Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
BRING THE BAGELS
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
