My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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