I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
