My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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