Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.

(301): View more from Maryland

but she's really nice

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(973): View more from New Jersey

doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??

(713): View more from Texas

Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore

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(847): View more from Illinois

I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted

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(480): View more from Arizona

I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.

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(360): View more from Washington

In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip

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(614): View more from Ohio

when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.

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(208): View more from Idaho

I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.

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