Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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