I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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