I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
