dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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