please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
