my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
