We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
