Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i now understand why vodka
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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