we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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