Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
