I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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