She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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