Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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