she smelled like a LAN party
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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