I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
