i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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