i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
