So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize