she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
