a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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