So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
