but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize