It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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