thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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