i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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