I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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