Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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