Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
