So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
