I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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