Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
