If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
