Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
