I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
