i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
