you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize