If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
