Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
