ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
