Pants 0. Shit 1.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
FUCK WHALES
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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