You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
