Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
