please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
