i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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