dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
