OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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