ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
