This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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