nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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