Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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