Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
