yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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