put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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