Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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