omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
