Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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