I'm jealous of your bromance
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
