she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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