Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
