Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
honey bunches of taint.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
