i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize