so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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